Who do you trust more to get things done? The leader who, when reporting bad news, says “The engineers on the app team are behind schedule and they are working on it” or the leader who says “We’ve fallen behind schedule and here is what we are going to do to fix it”?
Effective leaders make “we” a default word in their vocabulary. When reporting a miss, saying “they” sloughs off blame; saying “we” takes ownership. When reporting a win, “I” steals credit; “we” shares it. The habit of saying “we” is powerful when things go right but critical when things go wrong. The habit matters when referring to the teams you lead, the teams you work with, and the organization—and company—that you are a part of.
It’s about how you talk
Which leader would you rather work for, or with?
Reporting a schedule and cost miss.
Instead of: “The CI/CD environment wasn’t set up properly, and the app team didn’t keep good track of their story points, so they worked inefficiently and didn’t notice that they were falling behind. The TPM is now telling me that we’re going to exceed our estimate by half a million dollars. Here is what they say they are trying to do to pull it in.”
Say: “We didn’t set this team up with the right engineering discipline. We didn’t configure the CI/CD environment properly, and we weren’t tracking story points closely enough to see the productivity problem early. As a result, we’re now forecasting roughly a half million dollar overrun. Here is our recovery plan to pull it in.”
Active voice helps here. “The CI/CD environment wasn’t configured properly” deflects ownership. “We didn’t configure the CI/CD environment properly” takes ownership. Of course active voice alone isn’t enough—“they got it wrong” is active, too, but points the finger at others.
Reporting a miss because of another function.
Instead of: “The app team missed the milestone because IT’s OS upgrade was late and the app team didn’t escalate the risk soon enough. They’re now working with IT to recover the schedule.”
Say: “We missed the milestone because IT’s OS upgrade was late and we didn’t escalate the risk soon enough. We’re now working with IT to recover the schedule.”
Reporting a new feature win.
Instead of: “I launched a new one-click checkout feature. I pushed the team to simplify the workflow, tighten the UI, and get it into customers’ hands ahead of schedule.”
Say: “We launched a new one-click checkout feature. The app team did excellent work simplifying the flow, tightening the UI, and getting it into customers’ hands ahead of schedule.”
Talking to your team about a miss.
Instead of: “You missed the sales target because you didn’t identify the deal risks early enough. By Friday, each of you needs to identify which deals can close next quarter, what is blocking them, and what support you need. Bring me your plans for closing the gap.”
Say: “We missed the sales target because we didn’t identify the deal risk early enough. By Friday, we need a recovery plan: which deals can we close next quarter, what is blocking us, and what support do we need?"
Asking your team to do something hard.
Instead of: “I need you to work this weekend to get back on schedule. We can’t slip any more.”
Say: “We need to put in some time this weekend to get back on schedule. I know it’s a real ask, and I’ll be there making sure we keep the scope to what is truly necessary.”
There are still times to say “I.” Use it to own your decisions and mistakes or to make personal commitments: “I made the wrong call.” “I should have raised this sooner.” Saying “we” should never be a way to spread the blame for your personal mistakes - own what is yours.
It’s about how you think
“We” is not just for show. Building a habit of saying “we” builds the muscle of thinking “we.” This two-letter word is a small reminder that you have a part to play in what happens next. When you think “they missed the milestone,” it is too easy to stop at explaining what another team did wrong. When you think “we missed the milestone,” the next questions are: What could we have done differently? What can we do now? Asking those questions transforms language into ownership.
Start with the teams in your own organization. If a team you lead misses a milestone, “we” missed it, even if you weren’t involved in the day-to-day work. That is still true when there are several layers between you and the team. Delegation—and distance in the reporting chain—doesn’t remove you from the outcome. A senior leader is not an outside observer reporting on a team within their own organization.
Thinking “we” demands ownership and accountability. As a leader, there are always problems, endless problems. Some will be your “fault” and some will not, but what every problem has in common is that, in the end, they are in fact your problems. If you are responsible for something, it is your job to work through the blockers, even if—and especially if—they come from outside your team. Nothing meaningful in a large organization happens through the efforts of one person or one team alone, neither good nor bad. This is why a first team mindset matters: the leadership team you belong to, not just the team you lead, is a “we” you are responsible for.
Thinking “we” drives action. If “those sales guys” can’t close, it’s easy to throw up your hands and accept the inevitable. If “we” can’t close a deal, the next question is what you can do to help. What information does Sales need that they don’t have? Can we build features faster to create a more compelling product?
Thinking “we” builds empathy and collaboration. Other teams and functions have their own priorities and constraints. If IT is late with an OS upgrade, what is getting in their way? Can your team help?
Thinking “we” keeps you humble. The real work is done by your team, and thinking “we” reminds you to give credit where it is due.
Try it
The next time you report a win, don’t say “I.” The next time you report a miss, don’t say “they.” Say “we” … and then live up to it.